There are often many preconceived ideas of arranged marriage, which are fed to us by society. Due to our notions never being explicitly defined but instead shaped through public opinion and representation, we find our views on this kind of marriage continually wavering. Furthermore, our idea of arranged marriage is closely defined by the aversion towards love marriage. By 'us,' it is essential to point out that these understandings of marriage hold great value only to non-men. To men, marriage does not tilt the power dynamics already at play for them throughout their life. As a matter of fact, they might experience a more significant power control over another person due to the patriarchal nature of the very basis of marriage.
Marriage is a social and cultural construct, set in patriarchy and the need for men to have ownership over women and certain norms and expectations that determine the kind of marriage one leads. Along with marriage slightly evolving from this basis, the standards and expectations go through specific changes. The foremost being that an ideal marriage in India is one wherein the girl and boy are strangers to each other, and wherein there is no love preceding marriage, and their obligation to their parents and maintaining familial expectations binds them together in marriage.
In India, familial ties and important decisions legitimized by one's family, for instance, education and work, are incredibly revered. This is why the only love marriage "socially acceptable" is the one wherein the family compromises and domesticates the choice and agency of their child's preference in a partner.
Indian marriages are considered a rather public event, but the implications of the different marriages make marriage alternate between the private and public sphere in a rather complex manner. The honor of having an "ideal marriage" is a publicized piece of news. In the public sphere, marriage is a big ceremony, a "perfect" heterosexual union, something celebrated and connected to the revered concept of family in India. However, within the private sphere, even of ideal marriages, there are a lot of violent power dynamics that come to play that are not revealed to the public. Cases of domestic violence, restrictive gender roles, oppressive family setup, and the list continues are universal across all kinds of marriages.
Love marriages, or "unholy" unions driven by lust, don't hold disgrace, shame, and violence entirely in the shadows. In fact, in a complete reversal, the ceremonial aspect in love marriages is private while their consequences are public. Honour killings are the most brutal and publicized consequence of a union that is not socially accepted. The family hides the shame of the marriage within their private sphere, and an inability to do so pushes this shame into the public sphere, a fear of which causes the restrictions and cutting off of family ties in the first place.
While marriage is considered personal, with all its decisions limited to 'the household,' in reality, marriage is more akin to a performance for the public. Societal stigma drives marriages to be restricted to the private sphere, 'the household,' the voice of society ultimately being the cause for this restriction, which removes any form of agency from the individuals involved in the marriage as well as from their family.
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